This post originally appeared on Medium

This is paraphrased from an actual cold call I just got from Time Warner Cable a few minutes ago, transcribed as best as I remember it.

Me: “Hello, this is Ian.”

TWC Sales Guy: “Hello, am I speaking with Mr. Ian Westcott?”

Me: “Yes you are.”

TWC: “Mr. Westcott, my name is from Time Warner Cable, I see that you’re a subscriber to our Internet services and I’m calling to see if you have a minute to talk about the other services we have available. Just as a heads up, this conversation may be recorded for quality control purposes. Do you have a second to talk?”

Me: “Sure! Is this about your terrestrial telephone and cable television services?”

TWC: “Yes, that’s correct.”

Me: “Yeah, I have no interest in either of those services.”

TWC: “Can I ask why not?”

Me: “Well, the telephone service is completely redundant in my life. The phone you called me on is my primary line, and I carry it with me everywhere. I don’t need extra telephone service in my home. As for cable TV, I stream all my entertainment over the Internet, and I have no interest in paying lots of money for a bundled plan full of content I’m not interested in that’s littered with ads.”

TWC: “I understand that, sir. Is the phone you’re using a smartphone?”

Me: “Yes it is.”

TWC: “Are you aware that our home phone service comes with an app that you can use for calling and video chat on the go for only $10 a month?”

Me: “My phone already does both of those things, why would I want to pay extra money for a redundant service?”

TWC: “Well – “

Me: “Listen, I feel for you, I know you’ve got an uphill battle trying to sell services for a company that’s so far behind the times. Even the Internet service I subscribe to doesn’t meet my needs.”

TWC: “Well I can help you with that. I see you’re subscribed to our mid-range plan, I could upgrade you to 100mbps for only –”

Me: “See now, 100mbps is not worth to me what Time Warner is charging for it, especially if I can’t trust it to be reliable. If I could buy 300mbps for the same price, I’d consider it. But the fact is, the only reason I subscribe to Time Warner is because they are a monopoly in my area. If there were any other options available to me, I would gladly cancel my subscription, but there aren’t. So I subscribe to the bare minimum of service that meets my needs so I don’t have to pay Time Warner any more money than I have to.”

TWC: “…well, thank you for your time.”

Me: “Thank you, and again, I’m sorry you have to hear this over and over from frustrated customers who aren’t getting the level of service they want.”

TWC: “…have a nice day, sir.”

Me: “You too.”

This same exchange happens every few months, and I’m always delighted at the opportunity to go on record with my distaste for Time Warner Cable’s level of service. I hope I’m not the only one.